Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Family Pictures & Autism : What I Want To Remember

A good friend texted me this:

"Can you email me a picture of your family picture with Belle crying? My brother has a daughter with autism and she is always crazy for family pictures. I want to show his wife an example of how a family picture can still be adorable, maybe even better, when you work with it."

So I emailed her this:

We took over 200 family pictures and out of all of them, this one is by far everyone's favorite. The photographer was waiting and waiting- trying to get all my kids' attention, to get them to look at her and smile. I told her "just take the pictures. If you wait until they're all facing you smiling, we won't get a single shot." Thankfully, she listened to me and just started snapping photos, and we ended up with this awesomeness:


It is a PERFECT depiction of each of us 😄

After 2 photo sessions- each 1.5 hours long, my little boy is not smiling in a single picture (and we even gave him fruit snacks, which is a major treat for him!). Most of them he's not even looking at the camera, and if he is, he was making a silly or funny face, or had his fingers in his mouth.
The reality is, OUR life is messy. It's chaotic. It's silly. It's real! That's what I want to remember.


Guess which one of the kids in this picture has autism?



Last year we took our kids to Foto Fly at Thanksgiving Point. They have 10 minute increments you sign up for, and they guarantee in 10 minutes you'll get at least 1 good picture. I thought "yeah right. This is going to be a disaster!"
One of the adults (in our case, my husband) dresses up like Santa Claus from the beard down. Nothing covers your face- so your kids see you and are comfortable because it's you, and not some stranger. I think it even makes the pictures look more *magical* because you don't see Santa's face in it.
The cookies were supposed to be a prop, but my daughter (who does not have autism) was stuffing her face in every. single. picture. 
But I still think they turned out pretty cute!




I dread taking pictures! It gives me stress and anxiety and depression! Every time I think "this is going to be horrible!"
But a couple of years ago I had a distinct image in my mind. I picture my son as an adult, without autism, able to speak and think clearly, asking me "Mom, how come we don't have any pictures of me growing up?"
I imagine feeling VERY guilty and embarrassed, admitting to him "sweetheart, it was too stressful. Because you wouldn't look at the camera and smile, and we were so worried you would throw a tantrum, or cry the whole time, so we never took any pictures."
My son didn't ask for autism. We didn't ask for it in our family either (we are NOT those people that pray for trials to learn and grow and become stronger. Trust me!)
But should I punish my kid because he has autism? Should I shut him out from the world and lock him away from society and never take any pictures of him, or of our complete  family, because of it? No way.

Now when we get pictures taken I think "we just have to get through this. Yes, it will probably be torture for everyone. But we'll grin and bear it, and hopefully get at least 1 good photo... And Photoshop is amazing!"

Helpful suggestions: fruit snacks, bubbles, toys with noise-makers or blinking lights to get kids' attention at the camera, whatever works for your family. Plus there's always straight up bribery (hey, I'm not above saying "when we're done with this we'll buy you a new toy!" That gets some smiles), and a really talented photographer (that's skilled in editing- again, gotta love photoshop!), it also helps if they're experienced in working with kids (experience with special needs is a bonus!).
Shameless plug- if you live in Utah, my husband is a graphic designer (aka photoshop whiz!) that does photography too. Check out cute pictures of our friends and their kiddos at ImageDesignByMarcel. to see if you like his style:
https://m.facebook.com/imagedesignbymarcel?v=timeline&timecutoff=1250719055&sectionLoadingID=m_timeline_loading_div_1262332799_1230796800_8_&timeend=1262332799&timestart=1230796800&tm=AQCgK_e1l_PTp8Fn 

From the bottom of my heart, I really hope at least something I said helps you. More than most people, I get what you're going through, and it's not fun. But even the less-than-fun moments can be magical and beautiful, and sometimes they end up being the ones you want to remember the most. Good luck!

- Candice Cochegrus



4 comments:

  1. From a fellow HopeKids member, Love Love Love this post! Thank you for sharing!

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  2. Also a fellow HK member, thanks for sharing your post. My husband and I do photography too and specialize in special needs families. But it took me a long time to come the mindset that is dictated in your post... Finally this year though, with our 7 year old non-verbal, non walking SN girl, her two year old brother (and all that entails) and their newborn sister I kept thinking pictures were going to be next to impossible. But I just finally let go of the "perfection mentality" and amazingly we had the smoothest and most positive photo experience we've ever had and we even took them ourselves! I would love to share this if you don't mind?

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    1. Alisha, we would love for you to share this. We want other families to know that we share what they go through and that it's ok. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for sharing your story!

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