Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Making Messes

I posted some pictures to FB of a few of the very many messes Philippe makes. Just a minuscule representation of what it's like to raise a kid with autism.

Some have asked a simple, curious question, essentially, 

"Do you discipline him? Does he understand?"

Here is my answer:

SO many people are unaware or uneducated about autism, but they're too uncomfortable or shy to know what to do/say, or even just ask questions. It's no one's fault really. I didn't know anything about autism before having Philippe, and we are all still just learning as we go.

I hope this answer helps, please let me know what other questions you have!

Short answer:
Yes, oh YES, we use our many versions of "discipline" with him (before, during, and after behaviors). And we are not exactly sure what, or how much, he understands.

Long answer:
Basically, Philippe doesn't do things just to be naughty, or misbehave on purpose most of the time. Even though he's 5, developmentally his "age" is about 12 months (he can walk, but doesn't talk yet, and he plays with baby toys and for the most part he behaves/acts like a baby between 9-18 months old).

So just think of a baby that can walk, but not talk yet - and picture them 4 1/2 feet tall. Image the messes they would make! That's Philippe.

We work with him COUNTLESS hours- "disciplining" him, showing him and teaching him the same things over and over again hundreds or most likely thousands of times.
From 8am to 4:30pm we have several professionals- therapists and a nurse, that take shifts working with him one-on-one every single day, either in our home or at school with him. And the school he goes to is a special one for "unique" kids that need extra attention and help learning.

Every day Philippe works on everything from his behavior (throwing things, biting, breaking things, throwing tantrums) to things like learning how to dress himself, feed himself without spilling or making messes, how to play with blocks, how to roll or throw or catch a ball, how to match colors, how to put away his toys when he's done playing, and SO many other things most kids learn naturally. We also work on him learning to talk. He will repeat a few very basic sounds, or say a basic sound when we ask him a specific questions, but he has zero independent or spontaneous sounds.

For example, if I ask him if he wants a drink, he might shake his head "yes" or "no" to indicate, or he might make the sound "wa" for water and shake his head "yes" to tell me he wants some water. But if he's just in his room or playing with toys on his own and he gets thirsty he won't just walk over and say "wa" to ask me for water. Just like a baby, he might just start crying or throw a tantrum- and then, just like a baby, I have to try to guess and figure out why he's upset. (Is he hungry? Is he thirsty? Is he tired? Is he too hot/cold? Does he want a certain toy? Is he just bored? Is he uncomfortable for some other reason? Does he want to go somewhere else? Does he need his diaper changed? Does his tummy hurt? Does he have a headache?).

Very recently he learned that when he is thirsty if he walks over to me and gives me a cup- I will get him a drink of water. He also learned to push me to the kitchen and either shove me into the pantry or the fridge. (He's not very gentle about it. And he's NOT patient either. When he wants it, he wants it NOW, regardless of where I am or what I'm doing).
When I open the pantry or fridge door I have to guess what he wants. I point or pick up each item one at a time and ask him "do you want this?" "Do you want chicken?" "Do you want carrots?" "Do you want a banana?" "Do you want blueberries?" "Do you want sweet potatoes?" "Do you want turkey?" And each item I ask about, he'll either stare at me blankly or shake his head "no", until I finally figure out what he wants and then he shakes his head "yes" or gets excited and claps his hands and starts to jump up and down. Once I know what he wants, he has to "ask" with his sign for "please" and then make a sound to ask for it- I'll make him say "ba", "ma", "vuh", "wuh", "duh", whatever sound he can make that's closest to the thing he wants. So if he wants a banana, he signs "please" and then I say "banana? Buh" and he repeats "buh" and shakes his head yes, then I give him what he wants- in this example, a banana.

When he makes messes- if it was an accident usually I just clean it up (because it's just easier and faster). If he threw something, or a stack of things (he will sweep his arm across the counter or table and knock/throw everything to the floor) then one by one he has to pick everything up. He doesn't pick up more than 1 thing at a time, so it takes a while, and a whole lot of patience. He knows he is not supposed to throw things because he is angry or frustrated, but he still does it, and then the consequence is he has to clean up the mess- every bit of it.


Philippe does this for hours. It looks like he's studying the table and chairs- the angles, the shadows, their weight and how they stack with each other. He's not making a mess to be mean or naughty on purpose, but it does destroy our furniture, and the walls, plus whatever toys or dishes he smashes in the process.  And we are always afraid he will accidentally hurt Belle, Dominique, or Davis (or dog), if they just happen to be next to him when he flips the table or a chair over.